The Canadian Invasion - A Text Conversation

[DDTM Admin]

Here's a new one for you. It only goes to show that even outside the bounds of our digital home, we're all a bunch of goobers. A little background: This chat took place between Luda, Zoid/Floid/GLaDOS and myself the first day Luda joined our little blackberry messenger group. I like to think we turned our resident Candadian's sweet syrup sour that day. I'll occasionally insert a note/comment about the proceedings, which I'll try to make obvious by typing them <like so>.

We open with *shudder* "GLaDOS's" hopefull greeting, which turned out to be a bit pre-emptive since Luda hadn't joined our group just yet.

** Apr 14 Wed 12:44 **

GLaDOS: Bonjour?

LordRune: Not yet. Patience my pet.

GLaDOS: Just invited him to My Contacts

LordRune: Awesome-O

LudaChris: Luda all up in this biatch!

<Apparently, our darling Luda has a second career as a Canadian rapper.>

LordRune: Omg, It's not just floid and I any more! Denounce the deserters wiggles and asharachal! All hail Luda!

<@Wiggles and Asharachal: What? You left us high and dry for the promise of new phones. Wanna fight about it?>

GLaDOS: Who left the Border unchecked... Hahah welcome sir

LudaChris: Ha ha now the group has international appeal

LordRune: BBM - the best way to send ringtones w/lag!

GLaDOS: Lmao

<I had just introduced Luda to custom ringtones using BBM file transfer. 5 minutes for 404 kb of data was a bit much, I thought. Floid thought it was funny, but I think honestly he was just trying to flatter me so I wouldn't feel bad about my terrible sense of funny.>

LudaChris: These L4D ringtones are cool. Now to decide witch or tank for my wife's ringtone

GLaDOS: Hahaha. My sis is the Tank. JBitt is The crying witch haha. My default tone is Godzilla theme, bud-dealer is Godzilla victory music haha. About everything text/msg/BBM related is the infected music. Facebook is Godzilla roar and SMS text is Achievement plink

<It's worth noting at this point that Floid and I had been going back and forth insulting each other in a private BBM chat. At this point, Floid escalated the conflict by changing his name to...>

GayLordRune (Floid): Haha Ludes, go check Status Updates. Me and Rune prove to be the most mature ppl on BBM

<This outrage, of course, could not stand so I became the mighty...>

HomoFloid (LordRune): I'm homo floid! I'll spit on your cock for a buck!

<Apparently this signalled to Floid that it was time to back off a bit, because he changed his name back>

GLaDOS: Lmao!!!! I hate you

<I, however, possessed of a talent for running jokes into the ground till they bleed from it, wasn't quite done yet.>

HomoFloid: Oh, STOP it! *flails wrist* You're SUCH a stick in the mud! Oooooo, stick in the mud.... Now I'm horny!

GLaDOS: /die

<While Floid was attempting to channel RROD, Luda jumped into the fray guns blazing. Lovable lil Canadian faggot, ain't he?>

LudaChris: Don't make me get my squirt gun to calm you two down....squirt squirt

HomoFloid: Ohmigod, I'd die too if I had your fashion sense Mister Glados! Tee hee, squirt AWAY you canadian moose! *bares chest*

GLaDOS: It woukd be super awesome if I could assign persoal BBM tones bc Rune = Boomer music and Luda would be Smoker hahaha.

<Subject change? I think not.>

HomoFloid: Don't change the subject, silly pants! I'll bet luda could suck cold maple syrup through a garden hose! *glee!*

GLaDOS: I'm trying to recover from blindness after your chest baring

HomoFloid: I know, right? Sooooooo fabulous!

LudaChris: Ha ha snoker cought and yes I can suck frozen syrup through a straw so what?

<In this section, things get a bit muddled. So what? You try keeping a three way conversation wherein each participant is trying to outdo the other going w/out things getting a little out of hand.>

HomoFloid: My skinny lil homo chest brings all the boys to the yard! Why? Cause I'm homofloid, sillies!

GLaDOS: I'm all of a sudden craving syrup'd weed...

GLaDOS: You're so going to regret this Roid

GLaDOS: Hahahahhahahahha

HomoFloid: Oh pish posh! I'm just the fabulous facilitator channeling your inner magnificence.

HomoFloid: Kisses!

LudaChris: You don't actually tap a tree for syrup. Every canadian knows you suck it out with a straw from the roots

GLaDOS: *deletes self from group* Salvation!!!

<I'm midwestern, so some of you east coasters fill me in here. Do all New Yorkers run like this in the face of trouble? heh>

GLaDOS: Don't kiss...myself?!

HomoFloid: Oh my... Right from the root! That's so... Deep!

GLaDOS: Mmmmm dirt syrup

HomoFloid: I'll show you the way to the dirt road, precious.

GLaDOS: ....*deletes faster*

<Again with the running? Maybe it's a 98 lb. weakling thing? Someone help me out here...>

GLaDOS: K, ur killin my batteru hahaha powerin down for a bit

LordRune: Yeah yeah yeah. Switchin my name back. You've killed my fun.

GLaDOS: I love yer fun. Rowr.

LordRune: I loves me self respect. I gave it a kiss on the cheek as it walked out the door 30 minutes ago.

<What? I packed it a lunch too. Don't judge me.>

GLaDOS: Awwwww :*

LordRune: *blushes warring with self disgust*

LordRune: Goddamn I'll bet Luda's thrilled he picked today to join us.

GLaDOS: Lmao!!!

LordRune: Closing comment: you haven't lived till you've heard the bluegrass version of the final countdown.

LudaChris: Haha

GLaDOS: <--Still Alive. (See what I did there?) :D

<Yes, I see what you did. You prolonged the conversation after I tried to end it on a high note. Fucker.>

LordRune: Kid you not, right now I'm listening to Pickin and Singin: the Biggest Hits of the 80's

LudaChris: Still Alive by Glados was a free download on Rock Band

<Wow, all those helpful Canadian stereotypes... they're true!>

LordRune: Was indeed. Actually fun to play although I felt like a douche singing it

GLaDOS: Look like one too (zing)

LudaChris: Yeah if you sing it you have to hit some high notes

LordRune: :( oh my poor feelings! So sharp was that jab that it punctured my blubbery outer layer.

LordRune: Now, I'm not saying I couldn't hit the notes... Just sayin I felt douchey hittin em

GLaDOS: Oooh!! Cream filled Rune! With glaze. Mmmmmm.

LordRune: ... Who's homo floid now?

<Seriously, for a supposedly straight man, Floid hits on me more than RR and Irish combined.>

GLaDOS: I still stand by my previous jab

GLaDOS: Not I

<Liar.>

LudaChris: Who should feel douchey for saying you can hit those high notes

GLaDOS: Hahahahhahahahaha

LudaChris: I mean you...fail

GLaDOS: Rune = uFail

GLaDOS: By CandyApple

<WTF? Who's Candy Apple? Who fails now, failing failer?>

LordRune: Anyone who's ever heard me speak knows perfectly well I'll not be winning any deep voice awards. I've come to terms with this, sadly

GLaDOS: Welcome to my world. I can but its a struggle. Luckily I'm in the middle so it advantages me with range for vocalities

GLaDOS: Ur deeper than me (ew?)

LordRune: I'll accept that dubious compliment and raise you a "but your new york accent makes you cooler."

GLaDOS: Oooh!!! I'll take it!

<Touching. Disgusting, isn't it?>

GLaDOS: Bada bing

GLaDOS: "Dickity? Highly Dubious."

LordRune: Besides, if I was sylvester stallone I couldn't squeal convincingly.

LordRune: Oh, btw... I need luda tags

LudaChris: My wife still can't figure out why I work the crowd that isn't there when I sing in Rock Band

GLaDOS: "I fought in the first WW2 back in Nineteen dickity two. We had to say dickity bc the Kaiser had stolen our word Twenty..." Hahahah gotta love Abe

LordRune: AND GLaDOS tags (Chegs spilled the beans about u gameflyin it)

GLaDOS: Lmao

LordRune: You work the crowd because you care, Luda. That's what you do: you care.

GLaDOS: Oh I'm eventually gettin it and I already said I'm most likely GF'n it.

GLaDOS: Caring is so last year

LordRune: .... FloidBear STARE!!! (LMAO)

<Yes, I know. I'm sorry.>

GLaDOS: Oh god...now I can never use Floid again...thanks :'(

LordRune: Still never understand why u didn't go with Flibbity Psycko

GLaDOS: /hate Rune

LudaChris: She also doesn't understand why I stuff socks down my pants when I sing. I told "honey its because I have a small penis. You should know we have a child together"

GLaDOS: Ah, the old RROD Syndrome

<See how RR horns his way in on conversations he's not even a part of? Jerk.>

LordRune: LMFAO! Pssht, all the serious singers do it to fill out those pleather pants. Good on ya, luda!

GLaDOS: Now convince her to enhance her breastasis via plastic goop and you guys are practically American

LudaChris: Yeah HARDunderWARE failure

<Gold.>

GLaDOS: Talk about Role Playing

GLaDOS: Lmao!!!!!!

GLaDOS: Screw wiggles. I like Luda better.

LordRune: Note: rolls of quarters are acceptable in a pinch. I'm tecting that phrase to red RIGHT NOW. Gold.

LudaChris: Just post the entire convo as a blog

<Hmmm. I think I will.>

GLaDOS: U tect him. Tect him good!

... aaaaand we end on a parting shot from the grammar nazi. Always a fun guy, isn't he? *sigh* Anyway, hope you all enjoyed yourselves reading this. If you didnt, well... that's 10 to 15 min. you're never gonna see again so tough. Ha!

From left to right: Floid, Rune, and Luda

[LudaToke]

My shoulders hurt from carrying all the funny on this team of Stooges.

[DDTM Admin]

*throws up hands in disgust and walks away*

[RED RING]

And Luda brings the funny back.

Bravo sir.

[DDTM Admin]

See what you jerks have done now? You've offended the Canadian. For SHAME.

[LudaToke]

Just for being so mean, I am not going to game with any of you for the next month and a half.

[RED RING]

Take it down a notch Rune. That was a back handed compliment. It's still FAIL BLOG.

@ Floid: You have redeemed yourself from being a participant in this written travesty bestowed upon us, by your EPIC WIN of the pic below.

I tip my hat to you sir.

(*only to spit on your shoes*)

[DDTM Admin]

@Floid: see the third to last line. I blame Luda for our public humiliation.

[DDTM Admin]

THANK YOU. I was quite pleased with the commentary seeing as I kind of wrote it. (piss on you, floid.)

[RED RING]

I found it void of humor.

If anything, the commentary helped. Helped as in "Here's a bandaid for you missing limb" kind of way.

[DDTM Admin]

Wow. Just... wow. I'm surprised. I expected the usual insults (and welcome them, of course) but I expected at least some of you would find this funny. Fucking heathens.