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View to a Colon Explosion - Final Update
Fire in the Hole
I've often noticed that the members of this site find nothing more enjoyable than reading about the misfortunes of their fellow milkmen. With this in mind, I've decided to semi-live blog my experience with preparing for my colonoscopy tomorrow morning (12/14/09) at 8:30 am. I'll be updating this blog repeatedly throughout the experience as often as possible. I hope you all enjoy this disgusting chronicle of my misfortune.
- LordRune
It Begins
3:45 PM - I've just taken 17 Senna pills with two glasses of water. The box they came in promises "Gentle Overnight
Relief". I have no doubt this is indeed true, but I also have no doubt that when the manufacturers wrote this product description they weren't considering that someone would take seventeen of the damn things at once.
Note: A quick rundown of my personal preparations for this:
- One package of Cottonelle Ultra toilet paper (12 double sized rolls)
- One package of Kroger brand Medicated Wipes ( Hemmorrhoidal Wipes with Witch Hazel and Aloe)
- One package of Sunmark Brand Senna Laxative Pill (they taste like herbal ass)
- One (large) Bottle of Miralax
- One bottle of Gatorade Focus (Tiger
Woods branded and soon to be discontinued. I find this endlessly
amusing.)
4:20 PM - I did some more reading on the box of Senna pills. Under uses, it reads: generally causes bowel movement in 6-12 hours. I am unsure of whether or not I should be worried. Stage 2 of my prep involving the Miralax begins at 5:00 pm. Very much looking forward to my Tiger Woods flavor of Gatorade. There's something about drinking a sports drink branded for a disgraced celebrity that just makes this whole process slightly more enjoyable.
4:41 PM - I know it's still early, but I can't help it. I'm afraid to fart.
5:08 PM - Next step in my prep instructions, quoted word for word: "Mix the entire 238gm bottle of Miralax (or the generic form Glycolax) in 32 ounces of Gatorade. Please avoid red Gatorade. This will form a light slurry. Please shake well."
Ok... this brings several things to mind. Why avoid red Gatorade? That's an easy one. Once this all really gets moving, any red liquid in my system will make it appear as though I were shitting blood. Also, red liquids can apparently stain my colon and make things more difficult for my doctor. Anyway, the part that really worries me is the fact that this mixture will form a "light slurry". What the hell is that, exactly? I'm going to make the mix now in a pitcher. I'll attempt to answer that question once I've got it all done. Luckily, I don't have to start drinking this crap until 6:00 PM.
5:30 PM - "Making "The Mix"
Step One: The ingredients
They look rather innocuous, don't you think? Again, I'm amused by the serious stare Tiger is giving me from the label of his Gatorade bottle.
Step Two: Adding the Fun
I had no idea Miralax was a powder, but I guess you live and you learn. When I removed the cap from the bottle, I was greeted by a silver seal labeled with the words "Sealed for your protection". I feel less reassured by this and more like maybe I shouldn't be adding this stuff to my Gatorade.
Step Three: The Final Product
It's important to note that prior to mixing, my Gatorade was a pale yellow color. Although it doesn't show up well in this picture, it has now turned something more of a bright green. I don't know why this is, but I'm not happy about it. Here's to looking forward to 6:00 PM!
5:35 PM - I have no idea if it's just my imagination or not, but my stomach feels very uncomfortable right about now. Seeing as how I haven't even had any of my delicious Miralax "slurry" yet, this doesn't bode well for the rest of my night. I think I'm going to go play Dawn of War and try to forget about what's coming.
6:07 PM - Well isn't this special. Right before I was due to drink my first glass of slurry, the Senna pills kicked in. I can't say I'm very pleased about being right when I guessed that 17 pills would take effect far sooner than 6 to 12 hours. Ugh. Anyway, on to the slurry. What they should have called it is "a syrupy concoction that tastes faintly of cooking flour and Gatorade." I've got to drink another glass of this stuff every hour until I've consumed it all.
Oh yeah... and my stomach is cramping like RR and Irish menstruating in sync.
Help me.
6:52 PM - I've reached a point where I don't even want to wipe anymore. The pain... is painful. The humiliation... is humiliating. Time to break out those pain reducing wipes. Oh yeah, and it's almost time for my second glass of slurry. Mmm Mmm Good! I can't wait!
(P.S. You know your wife really loves you when she goes to the store and gets you tucks pads for your aching butt.)
7:06 PM - The slurry hasn't magically become better tasting. This makes me sad. On the happy side, only one more glass to go come 8:00. I'm very glad I've got video games to distract me. Oh, and JB is in the chat right now trying to make me feel better. He's helped me to decide that I will never mix anything with Gatorade ever again. EVER.
Condition of LordRune's hind end: Terror Alert Level Orange
Above: Dawn of War. It's how I'm surviving.
9:35 PM - Final Update: I'm now pooping every 20 minutes or so. I managed to squeeze in some Spec Ops on MW2 with HolyCrap, during which I had to stop every single time we either completed a mission or died in order to pay a visit to the facilities. Now I'm just hoping this dies down before long so I can get some sleep seeing as I've got to drive an hour to be at my appointment in the morning at 8:30.
Just FYI, I'm starving. This is important because as I type this my wife is upstairs eating nachos. She tried to hide them from me, but I caught her. I'm not pleased about that. I think after my appointment I'm going to force her to take me to an all you can eat buffet whether I'm coherent enough to walk (from the anesthesia) or not. Anyway, I submit this blog for the dubious award of most disgusting Milk Blog ever.
Condition of LordRune's hind end: Terror Alert Level Red. Pure horror achieved.
I've often noticed that the members of this site find nothing more enjoyable than reading about the misfortunes of their fellow milkmen. With this in mind, I've decided to semi-live blog my experience with preparing for my colonoscopy tomorrow morning (12/14/09) at 8:30 am. I'll be updating this blog repeatedly throughout the experience as often as possible. I hope you all enjoy this disgusting chronicle of my misfortune.
- LordRune
It Begins
3:45 PM - I've just taken 17 Senna pills with two glasses of water. The box they came in promises "Gentle Overnight
Relief". I have no doubt this is indeed true, but I also have no doubt that when the manufacturers wrote this product description they weren't considering that someone would take seventeen of the damn things at once.
Note: A quick rundown of my personal preparations for this:
- One package of Cottonelle Ultra toilet paper (12 double sized rolls)
- One package of Kroger brand Medicated Wipes ( Hemmorrhoidal Wipes with Witch Hazel and Aloe)
- One package of Sunmark Brand Senna Laxative Pill (they taste like herbal ass)
- One (large) Bottle of Miralax
- One bottle of Gatorade Focus (Tiger
Woods branded and soon to be discontinued. I find this endlessly
amusing.)
4:20 PM - I did some more reading on the box of Senna pills. Under uses, it reads: generally causes bowel movement in 6-12 hours. I am unsure of whether or not I should be worried. Stage 2 of my prep involving the Miralax begins at 5:00 pm. Very much looking forward to my Tiger Woods flavor of Gatorade. There's something about drinking a sports drink branded for a disgraced celebrity that just makes this whole process slightly more enjoyable.
4:41 PM - I know it's still early, but I can't help it. I'm afraid to fart.
5:08 PM - Next step in my prep instructions, quoted word for word: "Mix the entire 238gm bottle of Miralax (or the generic form Glycolax) in 32 ounces of Gatorade. Please avoid red Gatorade. This will form a light slurry. Please shake well."
Ok... this brings several things to mind. Why avoid red Gatorade? That's an easy one. Once this all really gets moving, any red liquid in my system will make it appear as though I were shitting blood. Also, red liquids can apparently stain my colon and make things more difficult for my doctor. Anyway, the part that really worries me is the fact that this mixture will form a "light slurry". What the hell is that, exactly? I'm going to make the mix now in a pitcher. I'll attempt to answer that question once I've got it all done. Luckily, I don't have to start drinking this crap until 6:00 PM.
5:30 PM - "Making "The Mix"
Step One: The ingredients
They look rather innocuous, don't you think? Again, I'm amused by the serious stare Tiger is giving me from the label of his Gatorade bottle.
Step Two: Adding the Fun
I had no idea Miralax was a powder, but I guess you live and you learn. When I removed the cap from the bottle, I was greeted by a silver seal labeled with the words "Sealed for your protection". I feel less reassured by this and more like maybe I shouldn't be adding this stuff to my Gatorade.
Step Three: The Final Product
It's important to note that prior to mixing, my Gatorade was a pale yellow color. Although it doesn't show up well in this picture, it has now turned something more of a bright green. I don't know why this is, but I'm not happy about it. Here's to looking forward to 6:00 PM!
5:35 PM - I have no idea if it's just my imagination or not, but my stomach feels very uncomfortable right about now. Seeing as how I haven't even had any of my delicious Miralax "slurry" yet, this doesn't bode well for the rest of my night. I think I'm going to go play Dawn of War and try to forget about what's coming.
6:07 PM - Well isn't this special. Right before I was due to drink my first glass of slurry, the Senna pills kicked in. I can't say I'm very pleased about being right when I guessed that 17 pills would take effect far sooner than 6 to 12 hours. Ugh. Anyway, on to the slurry. What they should have called it is "a syrupy concoction that tastes faintly of cooking flour and Gatorade." I've got to drink another glass of this stuff every hour until I've consumed it all.
Oh yeah... and my stomach is cramping like RR and Irish menstruating in sync.
Help me.
6:52 PM - I've reached a point where I don't even want to wipe anymore. The pain... is painful. The humiliation... is humiliating. Time to break out those pain reducing wipes. Oh yeah, and it's almost time for my second glass of slurry. Mmm Mmm Good! I can't wait!
(P.S. You know your wife really loves you when she goes to the store and gets you tucks pads for your aching butt.)
7:06 PM - The slurry hasn't magically become better tasting. This makes me sad. On the happy side, only one more glass to go come 8:00. I'm very glad I've got video games to distract me. Oh, and JB is in the chat right now trying to make me feel better. He's helped me to decide that I will never mix anything with Gatorade ever again. EVER.
Condition of LordRune's hind end: Terror Alert Level Orange
Above: Dawn of War. It's how I'm surviving.
9:35 PM - Final Update: I'm now pooping every 20 minutes or so. I managed to squeeze in some Spec Ops on MW2 with HolyCrap, during which I had to stop every single time we either completed a mission or died in order to pay a visit to the facilities. Now I'm just hoping this dies down before long so I can get some sleep seeing as I've got to drive an hour to be at my appointment in the morning at 8:30.
Just FYI, I'm starving. This is important because as I type this my wife is upstairs eating nachos. She tried to hide them from me, but I caught her. I'm not pleased about that. I think after my appointment I'm going to force her to take me to an all you can eat buffet whether I'm coherent enough to walk (from the anesthesia) or not. Anyway, I submit this blog for the dubious award of most disgusting Milk Blog ever.
Condition of LordRune's hind end: Terror Alert Level Red. Pure horror achieved.
Comment
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Comment by PureDrumFury on December 22, 2009 at 1:36pm -
Aw, poor Runey. I will pray for a fast recovery for your butt.
-
Comment by THE (jb) CAPE on December 21, 2009 at 8:46am -
notice the sweat from the act of pooping under his eyes ^^^^
-
Comment by Transience8985 on December 18, 2009 at 5:23pm -
Strangely enough, that's not a screen of Dawn of War, but an image of what came out of Rune's ass.
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Comment by THE (jb) CAPE on December 16, 2009 at 1:14pm
-
remember when rune farted at the beginning of nutty professor?
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Comment by THE (jb) CAPE on December 15, 2009 at 9:08am
-
he said he was playing games on the laptop. im not looking forward to getting one of those.
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Comment by BrandAid1138 on December 15, 2009 at 8:11am -
damn man....did you move the tv and/or computer in the bathroom for gaming? I've always heard w/colonoscopy's you sit on the shitter almost the whole day afterwards. suck duder. hope you're feeling well.
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Comment by THE (jb) CAPE on December 14, 2009 at 8:15pm
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that dawn of war there looks like an rpg. trans will masturbate to the screenshot.
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Comment by DDTM Admin on December 14, 2009 at 7:59pm -
As soon as I've had my second glass of slurry, I think I'll do just that.
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Comment by THE (jb) CAPE on December 14, 2009 at 7:58pm
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hahahaha now that you have a few minutes you should watch the tiger woods video i posted!
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Comment by DDTM Admin on December 14, 2009 at 7:13pm
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Apparently, a LOT of people have been enjoying Tiger Woods slurry. (See what I did there?)
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Look, the main character is a girl, but she's kind of a cunt and she knows it. It's not all flowers and passing notes to boys. It's about shooting arrows in people's necks and struggling to survive.
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That sucks dude, but actually works to my benefit. If you came on singing it's praises, it probably would have pushed me off the fence on it.
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